Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Ultimate in Klutzy

I’m not sure when I became a klutz. Maybe the extra 100 lbs I’m carting around has something to do with it – but I used to be graceful. I used to be a dancer. For like 12 years! Of course – I’ve also gave myself a skull fracture twice before the age of 17 by running into walls – so maybe I’ve always been a klutz…it was just in disguise.

These days I manage to do things like land on my ass in the middle of the street while doing nothing more than walking from the car to the mailbox. Land on my ass and sprain my ankle and skin my knee while doing nothing more than walking from the house to my car. Land on my ass walking through the grocery store while doing nothing more than – walking through the grocery store. Land on my ass and twist my ankle while walking to get water while camping – walking down a cleared path.

And keep in mind – I no longer live in a place that gets icy and snowy for 4 months of the year! Landing on my ass, twisting my ankle and banging my knee while walking the dogs after a freak snowstorm doesn’t count – everyone fell down that day and I was being pulled by a 100lb dog.

But now – now I have achieved the ultimate glory in klutziness. Last night – I fell down and landed on my ass…. while doing nothing more than sitting.

Yup – that’s right, I fell down while sitting.

Ok, ok, stop laughing! I did have a little help. We were at the NW Lucky Lab – Noland and I were on one side of the picnic table, Spencer and Julie on the other side, Sarah and Colin at the table next to us. Julie got up to go inside and asked me to hold her dog Andy’s leash. Then Spencer got up to go inside as well. We’re sitting there chatting and suddenly Andy sees something that needs his attention at the table behind us – I had only a loose hold on the leash before, so when he pulls – I tighten my grip – but he’s a small dog, so I don’t really pull back. My mistake. He may only weigh 19 lbs – but he really wanted to go – so he pulled, then suddenly in slow motion…..

…with no counter weight on the other side of the table…and both Noland and I on one side… I’m pulled back with Andy… the bench/table start to tip….beers start to slide … Noland tries to stand up… we both slide off the bench... tipping the table, but not tipping it over… 2 pitchers (one empty, one half full) and 1 or 2 partially full pints follow us… and Noland and I go home with beer butt. (Thanks Betsy!)

OMG – it was so ridiculous – broken glass and beer everywhere, my tailbone is a bit sore today and Noland got a nice bump on his elbow and a few small cuts, but luckily neither of us (or Andy!) were really hurt – but man – we were both just soaked! We drove home quickly and quietly – we hadn’t had much to drink at all, but cops from miles away could probably smell us coming.

Just call me grace!

Monday, October 08, 2007

A Travel Tip From Me To You

Just because your hotel room is up on the 10th floor or so doesn't mean that no one can see you standing naked on your balcony. You may be on vacation - but we're in the offices across the parking lot.