Walkin' in someone else's shoes

The new season of 30 Days starts tonight - if you’ve never seen it, it’s pretty interesting. It’s Morgan Spurlock, the guy who did “Super Size Me.” The premise of the show is that he – or someone else – walks in someone else’s shoes for 30 days.

There was only one episode last season that I thought was pretty worthless – one where a mother tried binge drinking for 30 Days to “teach her college age daughter a lesson.” It just didn’t work, because it wasn’t the person ‘living in the others shoes’ – and therefore the one that the show follows – who was supposed to be learning something. The homophobic guy who lived in the Castro for 30 days, the strict Christian who lived with a Muslim family, the high-tech New Yorkers who lived in a hippie-like commune, Spurlock and his fiancee living in Detroit on minimum wage, etc. – they were all pretty fascinating. Seeing these people who either opposed the ideas held by the people that they lived with – or simply had never been in that situation before – learning to adapt.

This season looks to be interesting as well. Tonight starts with someone who is very anti-immigration moving in with a family of illegal immigrants. There is one where someone who moved away from Christianity to become an atheist lives with a Christian family. Spurlock spends 30 Days in prison (although I heard he only actually lasted 28 and decided “he had enough footage.”)

They do a pretty good job of getting people who are ‘normal’ examples of whatever the behavior or life they’re representing and I think that’s why it works. Why it doesn’t become a big Jerry Springer disaster. The straight/gay episode for example – sure they had him go to the Castro, but as Noland and I said – if they followed one of our gay friends around to see “how the other half lives” it wouldn’t be much of a TV show. But they guy he lived with wasn’t a drag queen, he wasn’t clad in leather chaps, he wasn’t lispy or effeminate or anything else most other shows of this type would have required the person they picked to be. He was a guy, with a job and friends and a cat - who happened to be gay. And that’s what the episode really showed the guy who came to live him.

I hope that continues to be the way – that in the Atheist/Christian show for example – that the Christian family that they send the person to live with is a normal family with a house and kids and a dog or whatever – and is also Christian – I’m sure they’ll be someone who is very involved in their church, if they were just casual attendees – again, it wouldn’t be much of a show. But that they won’t be super-right wing, Focus on the Family, nut-jobs. Because like the straight guy who was to represent the point of view that thinks that all gay men are weirdoes – I’m sure the atheist is supposed to represent someone who thinks that all Christians are crazy-right wingers who don’t believe in science, freedom of choice, etc. claiming it all to be on God’s name – so it’ll be interesting to see if they find a good Christian family who is much more representative of Christians than those usually in the media.

They also have an episode however, that is supposed to be a pro-choice/anti-choice pairing. I’ll admit – I have my bias (I’m sure you couldn’t tell that) but I’m not really sure how that will work without it being extremist. Apparently someone who is pro-choice has to be anti-choice for 30 Days – so what will they be doing? Bombing medical clinics? Picketing girls picking up the birth control pills at the local Planned Parenthood? It’s definitely a divisive topic – but not really something that you live in day after day like the others. I could see it slightly more from the other side – an anti-lifer having to work in a clinic and see the pain and torment these women go through having to make that sort of decision, but even then it doesn’t work very well.

So anyway – I’m curious how it’ll all work out. And you should be too!

Where oh where are you tonight

I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t been sleeping as much, or maybe I’m stressed about something, but I’m just not having my regular bout of fun dreams to share with you all these days. There are snippets that I remember – but not like normal where it’s the entire story beginning to end, including the lucid parts where I go back and change it because I don’t like it....all I’ve got as of late...

- being in a public restroom and running out of toilet paper

- hanging out with some women with a really strong southern accent – I didn’t really like her very much

- having my car tip over while going around the curve of the exit from 26W onto 217 S (I did that one over again and didn’t tip)

- trying to walk both the dogs by myself and getting all caught up in the leashes like on a sitcom

- waiting for someone to show up who never does - but I was waiting in my treehouse

I want my cool dreams back!

Beer Fest Weekend

While I will say that even though my ass was dragging when I got out of bed at 6:15 this morning after going to bed at 2 - it was well worth it! But it would be very redundant if I talked about the Electric Eel Shock show last night - so just read this or this for THAT!

However - the Portland International Beer Festival is this weekend and I am stoked. I've been to The Big-One every July since I moved here 9 years ago - and this will only be the 3rd year at the PIB - but I must say it's really growing on me. The beers are just as good – and really, it’s not like you can taste them all anyhow – and they seem to have more variety from year to year than the main event. I am quite fond of my hometown brewery’s contribution to the event, but enough with the Porter – especially in July – bring another variety sometime, PLEASE!
There is also a refreshing lack of frat-boy swagger and irritating testosterone-fuel call that resonates through the tents more and more frequently as the day goes on.

Plus you get the bonus of “Happy Hour” at the PIB – 5 extra tickets if you get there the first hour it opens? Yeah – that’s a tough call to make. See ya’ll on Saturday!

Never again a 7 year hiatus

Whoops- found this in drafts from back on July 2nd - never posted:

From when I discovered the Indigo Girls in about 1989 until I moved to Portland in 1998 - I saw them in concert probably 8 or 9 times. They came through Des Moines, or Ames, Lawrence or KC about once a year and we were always there. Steve and I saw them the first year that we lived here at Lilith Fair in PGE Park before they renovated it. And then - dry spell. None of my friends here were big fans - last summer I even had tickets to the show at the Veneta Vineyards outside Eugene, and ended up selling them on Craigslist because no one I knew here wanted to go and the airlines were being huge buggers and it was going to cost SSSS an arm and leg to try to come out for the weekend from Des Moines.

Last night - Kelly and Mark and I loaded up on some Bud (yes - really - it was all they had that wasn't dark and it was to hot to drink dark beer) MAX'd it out to the zoo - where you can then buy a bottle of wine (I can't imagine any other show I've been to in practically the past decade where they would voluntarily arm the crowd with big glass bottles) for pretty cheap and chilled on the lawn of the zoo ampitheatre until Amy and Emily hit the stage.

They started off with their biggest hit and then into the very appopriate for this time in the world "Shame on You" and we decided we couldn't contain ourselves at the back of the crowd and moved right down the very front amongst all the others who couldn't just sit and watch but had to dance and sing along. They played a great mixture of old songs from lots of different albums, stuff off of their soon to be released new album - there was a new song that Emily did that was just fantastic. They moved the soon-to-be-bride to tears with "The Power of Two" and when they played "Hammer and Nail" I had to call Anita and just hold the phone up. After more than two hours of just two amazing women and their guitars on stage they took a quick break and came back for a few song encore - closing the show with "Galileo"

We headed out back to the Max station where we jammed way more people that is probably legal onto the trains and headed back downtown. Everyone on the train was laughing and smiling and talking to strangers - I've never seen people so smashed into one place that were still having such fun. As one girl commented - everyone should be required to listen to the Indigo Girls before they get on Max and the world would be a better place.

Never again do I go 7 years between shows.

It’s gonna be a boozy weekend

Of course the main event being Ms. Kelly’s bachelorette festivities this evening…and the pre-requisite hangover brunch tomorrow morning to amuse ourselves with drunken stories of the night before and check out all the pics of the great things we’re going to make her do.

I’m actually quite excited – the only other bachelorette party I’ve been to was my own – we all had a fabulous drunken time and I was SO happy that the ‘kung fu girls’ threw it for me since I’d only known them a short time – and we didn’t do any of the cheesy things that you hear about (thankfully!) But I never really went through that period in my 20’s like so many others seem to have where there is a summer or two where all of their friends suddenly get married and it’s one party after another. None of my college friends – or even high school friends that I kept in touch with – got married until they were into their 30’s – or are not married – so by the time any of us did we were scattered across the country – I attended the weddings when I could, but didn’t do any bachelorette type parties. And most of my friends here of the marrying sort either were already married when I met them, got married so soon after I met them – like Violet and Laurie – that I wasn’t involved in that sort of thing. Or do a Sandy and AJ and call on Tues and say “hey we’re getting married Friday at the courthouse – wanna come?”

So at the age of 35 this is the first friend of mine that is getting married locally where I get to hear about the plans and be involved in some things like tonight – it’s pretty cool just to be able to celebrate with friends that way.

And then to follow that up, tomorrow is a tropical themed bbq for Ann’s birthday where her hubby has coordinated that for a total of 7 of us this is the booze menu he has planned – plus beer:

• 750ml Tequila, Limes, Margarita mix,
• 750ml Light Rum, Grenadine, Pineapple Juice
• 750ml Vodka, Guava Juice, Ginger Ale, Orange Juice
• 750ml Malibu Rum, Triple Sec, Cranberry Juice
• 750ml Dark Rum, Amaretto, Coconut Cream

Whew….

Lifetime Summer Vacation

So there are 14 weekend in the summer (real summer - Memorial Day to Labor Day - I know school doesn't get out until mid-June but we don't have kids so we don't care and I know that 'officially' summer doesn't start until tomorrow - but it also doesn't think winter starts until Dec 21st and while it may not get cold around here - I spent enough snowy Thanksgivings (and even a Halloween or two) to know that's not very realistic!)

So there are 14 weekends in summer:
1. Starlight Parade/Misfats at Ash Street/Ian's B-day
2. Festival of Bands/Grand Floral Parade/Misfats on the East Coast
3. whew...drinking and relaxing....
4. Bachelor/Bachelorette weekend/Noland in CA
5. Indigo Girls/July 4th Fest
6. Camping?/Canada Party?
7. International Beer Fest/Noland's mom
8. bridal shower
9. M& K WEDDING!!/Brewfest
10. Wedding #2 T&W
11. Camping or M&K's sausage fest
12. Camping or M&K's sausage fest (I don't remember which weekend we said for which...)
13. back to the Midwest
14. Labor Day fest

Whew!
I love summer - especially in Oregon where it's sunny and not to hot most days - but man, are we going to be exhausted when it's over. Happy - 'cause that is a lot of fun packed into one strech of weekends (and who knows what develops over the weekdays - patio beers a plenty though I'm sure!)

But really - doesn't this alone make a pretty good argument as to why adults, not kids, need a summer vacation? I mean really - what are they gonna do all summer long but drag their parents to endless swim lessons, baseballs games and cries of "mom - I'm booooreeed.."

I say we start a movement for permanent summer vacation.

Don't Mess with the Olive Garden

I’ve refrained from ranting about a co-worker here, because it is after-all a small world…and a small office….but I just can’t help it today. Today is neither the unadulterated bigotry, the close-mindedness, nor the constant need for “one-upsmanship.” Because those make me genuinely angry and I would say way more than I should.

No – today it makes me laugh. This co-worker had to storm out of the office ahead of those that were all going to lunch together because I had the gall to say that I don’t like the Olive Garden and women wearing ties. Ok – and some of it may have harkened back to yesterday when I said that Walt Disney was a fascist. Magic Mountain is her favorite place in the world – so I think that hurt a bit.

But seriously – a group of people from work often go to lunch together on Friday. I often go as well. Today they asked if I wanted to – I hadn’t planned on taking a lunch today, so I was only going to go if it was someplace that sounded really good. The Olive Garden would not qualify, so I said no thanks. Honestly – that’s all I said. I know some of you reading this may find it hard to believe – but I did not provoke this at all! Her response was that “Jenn doesn’t want to go because it’s corporate, they’re all Nazi’s, and they’re all fascists….” I thought that was funny – so after each statement I called out a resounding “yeah!” Another co-worker thought it amusing too – she said she used to work there and that she could tell us what not to eat – and that included soup because the waiter’s ties were always dipping into them and no-one ever washed them. That led us into a brief dress code discussion – which I of course am quite opinionated on – and that included that fact that I hate ties and that women should never wear them…. apparently she likes ties – she chimed in and said so, I dared to say I disagreed – that they way they lay over the boobs just isn’t attractive…and for God knows why, that just put her over the edge and she stormed away – leaving behind the others that were going with her…..

Seriously.

I like to argue. (I know - surprise) But I also will gladly acknowledge when I'm arguing with someone - trying to pick on their weakness, push a few buttons, and I'll admit I enjoy doing that with this particular person... there are so many buttons to push. But this was just a conversation about lunch. Wow.

So yesterday I posted about coming across as older or younger than you actually are – and I often don’t mind that people assume I’m a bit younger than I am – but at least the way I act doesn’t make them think that I’m 12.

Pondering the ages

I seem to have gotten engaged in a number of conversations lately regarding age – people who do or don’t look their age – act their age, etc. While I’m not a big worrier about getting older – it does inspire me a bit.

I was only 25 when one of my good friends in DSM was turning 30, and freaking out about it. I didn’t understand why and her comment was ‘just wait 5 years and you’ll understand’ Well – 5 years later I turned 30 with one of the biggest and best birthday celebrations ever – and lovin’ every minute. It was at that age of 30 that I then met my wonderful husband – to me turning 30 was fantastic.

Now at 35 I have friends starting to turn 40 – some are doing ok with it, others are freaking out a bit…and I still don’t understand. I know that they’re probably thinking – just you wait – but honestly it doesn’t bother me now and I don’t think it will then. But I think it has more to do with the way that we live our lives.

A gal that I do flags with in the OMTAAMB told us last year that she was getting ready to go to her 40^th class reunion. We just about fell off the bleachers – there’s no way she was a day over 45 let alone nearly 60 – but sure enough. This same woman points out to me that another flag members mom who always comes to watch is the same age – 60 – as she is. Again – falling off the bleachers – only 60? I would have put her closer to 80. So they’re both 60, but Nancy looks in her 40s and this other woman in her 80s.

Not to that same extreme, but it’s interesting to look at your family and how old they seem. My Newman side grandparents seemed old for as long as I can remember. Much older than the Amble side grandparents. But the Newmans were retired as far back as I can remember, grandma baked and canned and quilted and all those “grandmotherly” things, grandpa was a bit crotchety and cranky the way old men are. They talked about ‘darkies’ and the days when children respected adults.

My Amble grandparents had a cabin in the woods where we rode motorcycles and went out in the boat. We always had to say please and thank you, but grandpa loved to buy the latest and greatest new gadgets and anything modern.

I can see the same sort of different in my parents and Noland’s. And maybe it’s just a skewed perspective because it’s hard to see your own parents getting old – he may think just the opposite – but I never knew his parents when they were younger. I do think that if I were to meet the two independently I would assume that his folks were at least 10-15 years older than mine. Just in their mannerisms, the things that they believe in….his parents have been retired for as long as I’ve known them – my dad just retired and my mom is still working. A Saturday afternoon could find his mom baking, quilting or canning. It could find my mom at lunch having margaritas with her girlfriends.

But to give them both credit – they are all close to the same age as the two women at flags – and neither of our sets of parents seem as young as Nancy – nor as old as the other woman.

I don’t know that there is a point behind all of this rambling – but just an interesting perspective I guess.

One more personal freedom down the toilet

Wow – as if trying to prevent the use of condoms, blocking the sale of the ‘day after’ pill, removing sex education from schools, pushing abstinence as the only option and trying to destroy every last remnant of our freedom of choice if you are pregnant - wasn’t bad enough – the government has now decided that all women from age 12 (or whenever their first period starts) until 60 (or whenever menopause occurs) should behave as if we’re trying to become pregnant at all times.

Of course I guess the odds of that are more likely with all the rules they’ve put into place restricting our ability to prevent pregnancy in the first place.

New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon.

Among other things, this means all women between first menstrual period and menopause should take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control. The report also recommends that women discuss with their doctor the danger alcohol poses to a developing fetus.

Women should also make sure all vaccinations are up-to-date and avoid contact with lead-based paints and cat feces, Biermann said.

Obviously most of these items fall under general health care anyhow, it’s healthier if you don’t smoke, maintain a healthy weight, etc. but really – we can’t even change the kitty liter box anymore?? (of course I’m sure there are millions of teenage girls jumping for joy over that one.)

And the bigger question is - how far is between “New federal guidelines ask” and “New federal guidelines require”?

The fact that they’re already trying to do so….and subversively slip it into our regular medical care indicates it’s not far off.

Experts acknowledge that women with no plans to get pregnant in the near future may resist preconception care. "We know that women -- unless you're actively planning [a pregnancy], . . . she doesn't want to talk about it," Biermann said. So clinicians must find a "way to do this and not scare women," by promoting preconception care as part of standard women's health care, she said.

Sure, it would take a lot for it to become some sort of ‘punishable by law’ offense for a women to smoke, drink and not take vitamins – but it wouldn’t take a whole lot under the current administration for them to withhold or reduce our insurance benefits if we weren’t following these “recommendations.” Insurance is higher for those who smoke. This could easily be a first step to raising premiums or reducing coverage for those who don’t follow the guidelines.

Which then, if a women did choose to become pregnant, or does so accidentally – and the child had some sort of health issue, the insurance company then restricts or reduces coverage on that child because the mother didn’t follow the ‘pre-pregnancy recommendations’ even if she stops smoking, drinking, etc. once she knew she was pregnant.

I know – I sound awfully conspiracy theory here – but seriously – it’s these small things that slide in when no one is looking that come back to bite us in the ass down the line. Wait and see – if we don’t stop the government from trying to tell us what we can and cannot do with our own bodies this is going to become a huge ass-biter in another decade or less.

I'm like Noland going all Link-y

So to start it off...my husband totally needs to try for this with his brand new bacon-band...

What I like best about this is that the "related items" on the side bar include categories such as: "signs of doom" and "worst practices"

I normally agree with the emails I get from MoveOn.org, but this one I had to delete without signing. Now don't get me wrong - don't hate the chilluns - I just don't think the world revolves around them - and I do think that families with kids get a lot of benefits the childless families do not. I have/had several co-workers who were allowed to work from home a couple days of the week because they have a baby at home and don't want/can't pay for sitting. I think that's great for them - it's a wonderful option and I don't begrudge them that. However if I asked to work from how 2-3 days a week because it fit my lifestyle better. That would not be an option. ANd that's what this little organization is proposing.

Look specifically at Letter 'M' and 'O' - PAID leave for both parents? Leave, yes. Paid no. Or if they want paid leave for having a kid - I get the same time when I get a new dog, or house, or pair of shoes. We were discussing this at the Moon & Sixpence over lovely beers last night and decided that if the average numbers of children in a family is 3 and they get say 30 days PAID leave when a child is born - I get 3 - 30 day chunks of time that I can take as well. Say as often as every 9 months.

And then the 'O' Again - I think flex hours are great - but they need to be offered to ALL employees, not just parents. If you can decide to work a half day to go to a school play, teacher conference or such - I can do the same to go to a beer festival or sleep in the morning after a late night.

We just want you to play fair.

When Beer Movies Go Bad

It was just supposed to be a simple night out with the girls. Kelly and some other chics and I were headed to the latest Cameron Diaz flick. Not normally my style of movie - I just don't do the chic-flick well - they irritate me - but I'm all about hanging with the girls. Besides, we decided to be a little naughty and turn it into our ouwn beer movie even though it wasn't officially one.

The only problem was, the girls, in all their typical flirtatiousness, managed to draw a large amount of attention to our little group by the theater manager...who then proceded to notice the beer bottle sticking out of my jacket pocket (why didn't I carry a large purse...I don't know.)

So the manager takes me back to the office, I give them my beer and act all apologetic, "yes, you're right, I shouldn't have done that it was wrong, blah blah blah......" I figure that's it and I can go back and watch the movie now. That would have been nice.

Apparently the movie theater manager decided that I had a problem and it was time for an intervention. Soon there is a whole staff of people in this conference room talking to me about how wrong it is to do something like this and that it's the first step to a very sad and pathetic life. That what if I was applying for a job and it came back to the potential employeer that I had done this? Soon I'm thinking - so they not realize that I am allowed to have a beer - that I am old enough?

There is a small video screen in the office that we're in that's projecting the movie - it's starting and I don't want to miss the beginning so I'm watching that not really listening to them anymore at all.

Because what I really need in my life is to be lectured by a stranger who is holding the same job that my friends did in high school.

Dream-vertising?

I'm a big fan of cool dreams and cool marketing and advertising (yeah yeah I know - marketing people suck....) but all I can say it this had better be an April Fools joke.

Family Ties...

Well the trip back to Minnesota for my grandpa's funeral was, all things considered, a good one. Grandpa had lived a long good life, and while it wasn't surprising that he passed away it was still sad as everyone had such wonderful memories of him. That of course was the part of the really good aspect of this trip. I was able to get to Bemidji a day early and therefore got to spend time at Suzie and Mike's house with just my parents - going through pictures with my mom to put up at the funeral home and the church for the services. There were pictures spanning the years from present day and dating back from the beginning of grandma and grandpa's marriage in 1940....as well as diaries that they both kept during those early years. Those were great for everyone to look through reading grandpa's entries about 'secret smooching on the porch' and grandma's wondrous feelings of "could I really be in love?" Along with reminiscing through the pictures - laughing at our parent's crazy clothes and hairstyles of the 60's and 70s - as well as our own of the 80's (my high school graduation hair was frighteningly large I must say) it was good family time and something grandpa would have been pleased to see. And since that's something I don't do often at all being that I live nowhere near any of my family, it was good.

I was especially glad to be back there for my mom - she lost her mom when she was about my age actually, and this was really tough for her. She's felt bad the past few years as grandpa has gotten worse that she wasn't able to be around all the time, so I was glad both my brothers and I were all able to be up there with her and dad.

That being said, in another way it was kind of a strange trip.

While they are family - there is that strange bond that only family has - I haven't seen some of my cousins in probably more than a dozen years if not more - and those I had seen more recently were just from that trip back there last spring - when that had been the first time in more than dozens of years. So despite the fact that the last time I spoke with them we were all still in school and now we're all married/divorced/parents/moved away or what have you - we were still able to talk and joke and enjoy the time. Admittedly some of them still live there, so they're all quite close and have been all their lives, but a couple have moved away as well as all of us Newman kids of course. But despite that familial closeness - there was just this weird sense of

One cousin's family is headed to Texas on vacation - why anyone would go to Texas for ANY reason, let alone vacation is beyond me....

One cousin and spouse headed to Vegas - I thought HEY - now that's more like a vacation.... until I heard that they were going as chaperone's for a group of high school students. At least they're not little kids, but still WHY oh WHY would you ever take kids to Vegas?

Speaking of kids - I am the only one of all the cousins that does not have them. Only those who lived in Bemidji were there - and they are all really good kids...but even that small group of kids all in one place, and the way they took over everything, just reinforced that I love being Aunt Jenn

I made mention that I finally got to use my iTrip device driving up - I can't use it here because there's to much interference from other radio waves, but in Northern Minnesota it was free and open...the cousin and spouse that I mentioned this to didn't know what an iPod was....

But the biggest kicker was when someone was trying to figure out where exactly El Paso was - if it was in central Texas or farther south. I said that it was right on the border and mentioned that a friend of mine grew up there and had family that basically lived in the same metropolitan area - but he and his parents were in the US and his grandparents in Mexico...and that as a kid they just went back and forth across the river. My family member's reply to this was "well I hope they can't do that now - they should have somebody there to shoot 'em if they try."

I don't know if my jaw could have fallen farther to the ground.

Of course this wasn't the only commment along those lines - these thinly 'veiled as humor' comments on gays, abortion, immigrants, minorities, war protestors and the like that in any other context would have set me off like no tomorrow...but it was family...it was gathering for a funeral... and I was there to support my mom. The thing I was most worried about going there was that mom and I would fight and I didn't want that to happen, so I just bit my tongue and thought, no matter how much I love them...

And I did mention this blog to some of them in conversation, and I know that at least my cousin Brian and my brother James looked at it... so who knows if they, or anyone else, will again. That made me a bit aprehensive to post this - I wrote it more than a week ago before posting. But my thought is if they do read it, and they felt the same creepy, uncomfortable feeling I had when you realize some of your family is really biggoted - at least we can sympathize. Or if they read this and didn't think that those kinds comments were biggoted - maybe this will help them realize how it sounds to other people.

Either way - I held my tongue then - I don't have to now.

I Must be Psychic

No. Really.
Saturday night I had a crazy dream about living in dorms and running across this huge campus warming everyone about the tornado that was coming - I saw it destroy the science building, but no would beleive me and soon it ripped across the whole area destroying everything.

Since this is the dream that I remember - based on the way the REM sleep works and all I probably dreamt this dream around 6am based on waking at 8-ish.

So then I read about this killer tornado hitting the campus of my Big 12 Champs about 8 am CST...

I must be psychic.

Now you have to go back and read my dreams and see what else has come true!

Not too shabby...

I'll credit Cesar for finding this...a personalized map of all the US states I've been to. When I was in my mid-20's and started doing some traveling, I decided that I was going to make it a personal goal to visit all 48 continental states before the age of 30.

Moving to Portland at age 27 kind of messed with the plan as it took alot of funding as well as moved me much farther away from the parts of the country I had left...but I still don't think it's too shabby.

And now when I visit them, I get to do it with my wonderful husband!

create your own personalized map of the USA

Noland with the Wrong Shoes?

Don’t ask me why. Don’t ask me how. But apparently Noland and I are running a marathon. Or at least attempting to. We got all signed in. We got our lockers. We’re good to go.

Crap.

I’m still carrying my purse and I’m wearing Birkenstocks. I need to get back into my locker but I don’t remember the combination. I go to the office to see if they have the combo on file. There’s no one working, but the file box in on the desk so I shuffle through that until I find my name. Get the combo – head back across the campus to the locker area.

Pop the locker open – there’s all kinds of stuff in there – but no running shoes.

Crap.

They’re at home. Noland looks down and realizes that he doesn’t have running shoes either. I give him my keys and he’s going to try to get home and back with our shoes as fast as possible We think there’s still time to make it, but man we’re pushing it.

Not the way to start off for your first marathon.

I got this card for my birthday last month

I laughed so hard I almost had to pee my pants. Not that anyone who would be reading this doesn’t already know, but:

A – I am from Topeka

B – My brother is a forensic chemist for a law enforcement agency (and no his life is not nearly as glamorous as CBS would like us to think....'geeks in lab coats' would be his take on their job.)

So when Susan, my groovy friend in Iowa, found this card and sent it to me for my birthday I really did just about spit beer laughing.

Apparently the folks in my hometown do not see the humor.

And the best is that due to this quote….

"I find it offensive," Mayor Bill Bunten said Thursday. "It's probably drawn up by somebody from West Virginia who hasn't been here."

…West Virginia has now demanded a public apology from the mayor.

Maybe Kansas are just sensitive.

Several years ago I was sent this hysterical magazine article about someone born and rasied in NYC moving to Iowa - not even to Des Moines, but to Pella or Story City or something like that....they wrote about all the humor they found moving to a small rural town after being used to a metropolis.

There were some amusing observations.
Some pretty obvious about people loving the Olive Garden and driving pick up trucks.
Some were things that I, having lived in cities - but cities in rural dominated states, might not have noticed as strange or amusing until someonw else pointed them out. Then I thought - wow - that is kinda funny. I never noticed it before because I'm used to it.

So I forwarded this on to several fellow former and current Kansans and Iowans who I thought could also see to laugh at themselves. I received scathing replies from two such friends. Telling me that if I wanted to forwarded them jokes, or good luck wishes, or personal stories that was fine - but if I was going to just tell nasty mean things about our wonderful place of childhood then they would rather not hear from me.

Of course one of these messages came from someone who - when her husband was offered a temporary job in another state - in a beautiful part of the country where his company would:
- raise his salary
- pay for the move and storage of anything they didn't take with them
- pay for their housing & living expenses during the two years they wanted him there
- pay for their transportation during the two years they wanted him there
- pay for he and his family to fly back to visit their family twice a year for those two years
She did nothing but complain about how horrible it was going to be.

Whaaa.

Funny thing is - he works for Hallmark.

Retro Vegas and Animals with German Accents

The Vegas trip in December was great – but it must have really been good beside I decided to go back last night with all of my girl friends from high school. It was a pretty amazing job considering who was there and the last times that I have seen most of them before this:

· Amy was the one I thought would absolutely positively be around forever, but just a few months after a really emotional holiday together where I was so glad we could still talk like that, she stopped talking to me when I told her that Noland and I were getting married, so it’s been three years since we’ve exchanged more than a polite greeting card.
· Beth and I remained great friends spending much time together when I was home for the summers during college right until graduation – but once I moved back to Des Moines to find a real job after that graduation summer I don’t think I ever saw her again.
· Tami and I had a great time at our 10-year reunion (more than 7 years ago now) but that was the last time I’d seen her after we drifted apart sometime during our college years.
· Neither Rebecca nor Stephanie was at that reunion – there have been occasional emails or random bumping into when visiting our folks over the holidays – but we began our drifting apart process once we were off at college so the visits were few and far between.
· The other Amy was part of a grand in-fighting drama and a bit of an exile from our group just before graduating high school.
· Robin, Tanya and LaNelle were part of ‘the love bunch’ as we were known – but a bit more on the periphery – although I did enjoy catching up with Robin a bit at that reunion.

So needless to say, the 10 if us getting together in Vegas was a pretty amazing feat! The weirdest thing was that other than my Amy – I’d been to Vegas with all of them in the past at some point. Unfortunately we didn’t get to go very far or do very much. As we were standing around gathering everyone up just gabbing, someone noticed that I had weird spots on my skirt. Looked up and they were all over my shirt as well. Oh, and hey, there was blood running down the side of my head from just above my ear. And for it to have traveled all the way down my whole body like it did it had been flowing for a while – so off to the emergency room we go.

So when I wake up, I’m at home resting and the dogs are totally freaking out in the back. I get up to check on them and of course they have no water or food, so I feed them and water them and toss the ball a bit. But they are still just going nuts at something. I look around and don’t see anything, so I go back inside. A day later I go out and check things again – this time I see it – and while I didn’t see it before I know it was there. A big shiny gold birdcage with this tiny little yellow and white bird inside. I think I should get the bird some water and some food so I go back in to do so, but somehow get distracted and don’t get back out again until the next day. By the time I get over there, the bird is just laying down in the cage – it looks like it might still be breathing, so I toss in some breadcrumbs and try to figure out how to pour water into this tiny little container that seems to be the water dish – when the bird nibbles on the bread – and just pops right up. It’s asking me – not talking, but somehow I know it’s asking – for water. But I just cannot seem to get anything into that tiny dish. So I open the door of the cage to let the bird out to drink from the pitcher I’m holding – which it does.

Now this is where things get a bit sketchy. Not only does it take a drink of water. But then it proceeds to transform into a human being – and dude – he was pissed that we’d left him in the backyard with the dogs, no food and no water for so long. I think that must have been when I decided that I was out of there.

Laws are for sucks

So how do we get this sort of power at the voting booth? If George can reserve the right to ignore laws that he doesn’t like – can’t we do the same?

I voted against the extra Multnomah County income tax – shouldn’t I have the right to ignore it? When I placed my vote against paying for other people’s kids, while they get tax breaks for having them, shouldn't I have had the option to sign a little piece of paper that says I have no intention of paying even if the majority of voters agreed to it.

I voted against Measure 36 that discriminates against marriage equality. I’m sure that all those people that got married before the measure was passed, whose marriages courts now says are null and void, would have loved to sign something that says – thanks but no thanks. I’m ignoring this law.

Our fearless leader has conveniently decided that he is above the law, or that he is going to ignore what our leaders and voters have decided more than 500 times in his first 5 years…more times than all other Presidents combined.

Early President’s used the right a few times each if at all – Carter used it 24 times, Reagan 71, Bush Sr. 146 (2nd runner-up with only 4 years time) and Clinton 105 times.

More than 500 times.

Unbelievable.

I take that back. It’s totally believable.

Don't do it

If you drive a VW do not get a license plate that says "Bug"
If you drive a Jeep do not get license plate that says "Jeep"
If you drive a BMW do not get license plate that says "Beemer"
If you drive a "Blank" do not get license plate that says "blank"

Get it? Good.

'Cause if I see it again.
I might have to hurt you.