Dream-vertising?

I'm a big fan of cool dreams and cool marketing and advertising (yeah yeah I know - marketing people suck....) but all I can say it this had better be an April Fools joke.

Family Ties...

Well the trip back to Minnesota for my grandpa's funeral was, all things considered, a good one. Grandpa had lived a long good life, and while it wasn't surprising that he passed away it was still sad as everyone had such wonderful memories of him. That of course was the part of the really good aspect of this trip. I was able to get to Bemidji a day early and therefore got to spend time at Suzie and Mike's house with just my parents - going through pictures with my mom to put up at the funeral home and the church for the services. There were pictures spanning the years from present day and dating back from the beginning of grandma and grandpa's marriage in 1940....as well as diaries that they both kept during those early years. Those were great for everyone to look through reading grandpa's entries about 'secret smooching on the porch' and grandma's wondrous feelings of "could I really be in love?" Along with reminiscing through the pictures - laughing at our parent's crazy clothes and hairstyles of the 60's and 70s - as well as our own of the 80's (my high school graduation hair was frighteningly large I must say) it was good family time and something grandpa would have been pleased to see. And since that's something I don't do often at all being that I live nowhere near any of my family, it was good.

I was especially glad to be back there for my mom - she lost her mom when she was about my age actually, and this was really tough for her. She's felt bad the past few years as grandpa has gotten worse that she wasn't able to be around all the time, so I was glad both my brothers and I were all able to be up there with her and dad.

That being said, in another way it was kind of a strange trip.

While they are family - there is that strange bond that only family has - I haven't seen some of my cousins in probably more than a dozen years if not more - and those I had seen more recently were just from that trip back there last spring - when that had been the first time in more than dozens of years. So despite the fact that the last time I spoke with them we were all still in school and now we're all married/divorced/parents/moved away or what have you - we were still able to talk and joke and enjoy the time. Admittedly some of them still live there, so they're all quite close and have been all their lives, but a couple have moved away as well as all of us Newman kids of course. But despite that familial closeness - there was just this weird sense of

One cousin's family is headed to Texas on vacation - why anyone would go to Texas for ANY reason, let alone vacation is beyond me....

One cousin and spouse headed to Vegas - I thought HEY - now that's more like a vacation.... until I heard that they were going as chaperone's for a group of high school students. At least they're not little kids, but still WHY oh WHY would you ever take kids to Vegas?

Speaking of kids - I am the only one of all the cousins that does not have them. Only those who lived in Bemidji were there - and they are all really good kids...but even that small group of kids all in one place, and the way they took over everything, just reinforced that I love being Aunt Jenn

I made mention that I finally got to use my iTrip device driving up - I can't use it here because there's to much interference from other radio waves, but in Northern Minnesota it was free and open...the cousin and spouse that I mentioned this to didn't know what an iPod was....

But the biggest kicker was when someone was trying to figure out where exactly El Paso was - if it was in central Texas or farther south. I said that it was right on the border and mentioned that a friend of mine grew up there and had family that basically lived in the same metropolitan area - but he and his parents were in the US and his grandparents in Mexico...and that as a kid they just went back and forth across the river. My family member's reply to this was "well I hope they can't do that now - they should have somebody there to shoot 'em if they try."

I don't know if my jaw could have fallen farther to the ground.

Of course this wasn't the only commment along those lines - these thinly 'veiled as humor' comments on gays, abortion, immigrants, minorities, war protestors and the like that in any other context would have set me off like no tomorrow...but it was family...it was gathering for a funeral... and I was there to support my mom. The thing I was most worried about going there was that mom and I would fight and I didn't want that to happen, so I just bit my tongue and thought, no matter how much I love them...

And I did mention this blog to some of them in conversation, and I know that at least my cousin Brian and my brother James looked at it... so who knows if they, or anyone else, will again. That made me a bit aprehensive to post this - I wrote it more than a week ago before posting. But my thought is if they do read it, and they felt the same creepy, uncomfortable feeling I had when you realize some of your family is really biggoted - at least we can sympathize. Or if they read this and didn't think that those kinds comments were biggoted - maybe this will help them realize how it sounds to other people.

Either way - I held my tongue then - I don't have to now.

I Must be Psychic

No. Really.
Saturday night I had a crazy dream about living in dorms and running across this huge campus warming everyone about the tornado that was coming - I saw it destroy the science building, but no would beleive me and soon it ripped across the whole area destroying everything.

Since this is the dream that I remember - based on the way the REM sleep works and all I probably dreamt this dream around 6am based on waking at 8-ish.

So then I read about this killer tornado hitting the campus of my Big 12 Champs about 8 am CST...

I must be psychic.

Now you have to go back and read my dreams and see what else has come true!

Not too shabby...

I'll credit Cesar for finding this...a personalized map of all the US states I've been to. When I was in my mid-20's and started doing some traveling, I decided that I was going to make it a personal goal to visit all 48 continental states before the age of 30.

Moving to Portland at age 27 kind of messed with the plan as it took alot of funding as well as moved me much farther away from the parts of the country I had left...but I still don't think it's too shabby.

And now when I visit them, I get to do it with my wonderful husband!

create your own personalized map of the USA

Noland with the Wrong Shoes?

Don’t ask me why. Don’t ask me how. But apparently Noland and I are running a marathon. Or at least attempting to. We got all signed in. We got our lockers. We’re good to go.

Crap.

I’m still carrying my purse and I’m wearing Birkenstocks. I need to get back into my locker but I don’t remember the combination. I go to the office to see if they have the combo on file. There’s no one working, but the file box in on the desk so I shuffle through that until I find my name. Get the combo – head back across the campus to the locker area.

Pop the locker open – there’s all kinds of stuff in there – but no running shoes.

Crap.

They’re at home. Noland looks down and realizes that he doesn’t have running shoes either. I give him my keys and he’s going to try to get home and back with our shoes as fast as possible We think there’s still time to make it, but man we’re pushing it.

Not the way to start off for your first marathon.

I got this card for my birthday last month

I laughed so hard I almost had to pee my pants. Not that anyone who would be reading this doesn’t already know, but:

A – I am from Topeka

B – My brother is a forensic chemist for a law enforcement agency (and no his life is not nearly as glamorous as CBS would like us to think....'geeks in lab coats' would be his take on their job.)

So when Susan, my groovy friend in Iowa, found this card and sent it to me for my birthday I really did just about spit beer laughing.

Apparently the folks in my hometown do not see the humor.

And the best is that due to this quote….

"I find it offensive," Mayor Bill Bunten said Thursday. "It's probably drawn up by somebody from West Virginia who hasn't been here."

…West Virginia has now demanded a public apology from the mayor.

Maybe Kansas are just sensitive.

Several years ago I was sent this hysterical magazine article about someone born and rasied in NYC moving to Iowa - not even to Des Moines, but to Pella or Story City or something like that....they wrote about all the humor they found moving to a small rural town after being used to a metropolis.

There were some amusing observations.
Some pretty obvious about people loving the Olive Garden and driving pick up trucks.
Some were things that I, having lived in cities - but cities in rural dominated states, might not have noticed as strange or amusing until someonw else pointed them out. Then I thought - wow - that is kinda funny. I never noticed it before because I'm used to it.

So I forwarded this on to several fellow former and current Kansans and Iowans who I thought could also see to laugh at themselves. I received scathing replies from two such friends. Telling me that if I wanted to forwarded them jokes, or good luck wishes, or personal stories that was fine - but if I was going to just tell nasty mean things about our wonderful place of childhood then they would rather not hear from me.

Of course one of these messages came from someone who - when her husband was offered a temporary job in another state - in a beautiful part of the country where his company would:
- raise his salary
- pay for the move and storage of anything they didn't take with them
- pay for their housing & living expenses during the two years they wanted him there
- pay for their transportation during the two years they wanted him there
- pay for he and his family to fly back to visit their family twice a year for those two years
She did nothing but complain about how horrible it was going to be.

Whaaa.

Funny thing is - he works for Hallmark.

Retro Vegas and Animals with German Accents

The Vegas trip in December was great – but it must have really been good beside I decided to go back last night with all of my girl friends from high school. It was a pretty amazing job considering who was there and the last times that I have seen most of them before this:

· Amy was the one I thought would absolutely positively be around forever, but just a few months after a really emotional holiday together where I was so glad we could still talk like that, she stopped talking to me when I told her that Noland and I were getting married, so it’s been three years since we’ve exchanged more than a polite greeting card.
· Beth and I remained great friends spending much time together when I was home for the summers during college right until graduation – but once I moved back to Des Moines to find a real job after that graduation summer I don’t think I ever saw her again.
· Tami and I had a great time at our 10-year reunion (more than 7 years ago now) but that was the last time I’d seen her after we drifted apart sometime during our college years.
· Neither Rebecca nor Stephanie was at that reunion – there have been occasional emails or random bumping into when visiting our folks over the holidays – but we began our drifting apart process once we were off at college so the visits were few and far between.
· The other Amy was part of a grand in-fighting drama and a bit of an exile from our group just before graduating high school.
· Robin, Tanya and LaNelle were part of ‘the love bunch’ as we were known – but a bit more on the periphery – although I did enjoy catching up with Robin a bit at that reunion.

So needless to say, the 10 if us getting together in Vegas was a pretty amazing feat! The weirdest thing was that other than my Amy – I’d been to Vegas with all of them in the past at some point. Unfortunately we didn’t get to go very far or do very much. As we were standing around gathering everyone up just gabbing, someone noticed that I had weird spots on my skirt. Looked up and they were all over my shirt as well. Oh, and hey, there was blood running down the side of my head from just above my ear. And for it to have traveled all the way down my whole body like it did it had been flowing for a while – so off to the emergency room we go.

So when I wake up, I’m at home resting and the dogs are totally freaking out in the back. I get up to check on them and of course they have no water or food, so I feed them and water them and toss the ball a bit. But they are still just going nuts at something. I look around and don’t see anything, so I go back inside. A day later I go out and check things again – this time I see it – and while I didn’t see it before I know it was there. A big shiny gold birdcage with this tiny little yellow and white bird inside. I think I should get the bird some water and some food so I go back in to do so, but somehow get distracted and don’t get back out again until the next day. By the time I get over there, the bird is just laying down in the cage – it looks like it might still be breathing, so I toss in some breadcrumbs and try to figure out how to pour water into this tiny little container that seems to be the water dish – when the bird nibbles on the bread – and just pops right up. It’s asking me – not talking, but somehow I know it’s asking – for water. But I just cannot seem to get anything into that tiny dish. So I open the door of the cage to let the bird out to drink from the pitcher I’m holding – which it does.

Now this is where things get a bit sketchy. Not only does it take a drink of water. But then it proceeds to transform into a human being – and dude – he was pissed that we’d left him in the backyard with the dogs, no food and no water for so long. I think that must have been when I decided that I was out of there.

Laws are for sucks

So how do we get this sort of power at the voting booth? If George can reserve the right to ignore laws that he doesn’t like – can’t we do the same?

I voted against the extra Multnomah County income tax – shouldn’t I have the right to ignore it? When I placed my vote against paying for other people’s kids, while they get tax breaks for having them, shouldn't I have had the option to sign a little piece of paper that says I have no intention of paying even if the majority of voters agreed to it.

I voted against Measure 36 that discriminates against marriage equality. I’m sure that all those people that got married before the measure was passed, whose marriages courts now says are null and void, would have loved to sign something that says – thanks but no thanks. I’m ignoring this law.

Our fearless leader has conveniently decided that he is above the law, or that he is going to ignore what our leaders and voters have decided more than 500 times in his first 5 years…more times than all other Presidents combined.

Early President’s used the right a few times each if at all – Carter used it 24 times, Reagan 71, Bush Sr. 146 (2nd runner-up with only 4 years time) and Clinton 105 times.

More than 500 times.

Unbelievable.

I take that back. It’s totally believable.

Don't do it

If you drive a VW do not get a license plate that says "Bug"
If you drive a Jeep do not get license plate that says "Jeep"
If you drive a BMW do not get license plate that says "Beemer"
If you drive a "Blank" do not get license plate that says "blank"

Get it? Good.

'Cause if I see it again.
I might have to hurt you.

One more reason suburbs suck

When Noland and I were looking to buy a new house last spring, we had many of the usual requirements homebuyers have. Our budget of course, the minimum size and numbers of bedrooms, bathrooms, yard size, etc. Since we don’t have kids and don’t plan to the whole school thing was irrelevant – but the neighborhood was not. East side preferable and the closer in the better. We wanted Portland. We like Portland. We live in Portland for a reason. Northeast, Southeast, North – all fine. Suburban dwelling was not ever an option.

Ever.

We both however work in Beaverton – me way down off 217 by the evilest of evils – Washington Square Mall – and Noland way the hell out 26 by the empires of Intel and Nike. Both about the same distance from home, but far enough away from each other that even driving together is not a viable option. We knew that where we ended up buying we would be stuck driving a fairly lengthy commute – and that was something we were willing to do to live in the area that we wanted. Where we are now is basically at the limit of how far we would be willing to go – living much farther out then we are now and we would have had to seriously consider other options.

So that being said – I try not to complain to often about the drive. We very well could have bought something in Beaverton, probably larger and newer, for about the same price and it would take us 5 minutes to get to work. But we’d rather live where we live then where we work. So off hours – it takes about 25 minutes door to door. In commuting traffic from 4 – 6 pm it takes about 40 minutes. A bad day with slow traffic can be up to an hour.

Yesterday it took 1 hour and 39 minutes to get home.

My office is in a generic office park right off the main road that leads to the mall…..as well as a Target, Circuit City, Powell’s, etc. it’s a 3 minute drive from the parking lot to the entrance of the highway. Yesterday it took more than 20 minutes. And you can bet that every single one of those extra cars was some suburbanite headed to the mall. Crawling through downtown at 5 mph. And you can bet that every one of those extra cars were suburbanites shopping downtown who didn’t know where they were going. An hour and 15 minutes to cross the river. But once I did – once I was on the east side of town – traffic back to complete normality. Smooth sailing home.

God I hate the suburbs.

Fighting with all I've Got

On Monday, with only five days before Vegas, I start coming down with some sort of illness. And of course the Portland ITEC was this week, so instead of quiet days in my cubicle working online and drinking hot beverages - I was on show site running around, helping get stuff set-up and having to be friendly and helpful to all the Exhibitors and Attendees – while trying not to cough and sneeze on them. So every night this week I’ve come home to Noland fixing me tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, bags full of drugs and vitamins, him doing all of the stuff that needs to be done around the house, and me crawling into bed super early around 9pm…so that said and done – I believe that the bug has been mostly kicked – and we are ready to roll!

Or as Violet so eloquently stated:

WHEEL!

OF!

FORTUNE!

A Happy Family

Whew – the folks were here – we had a nice visit and now they’re gone – WHEW! As Noland noted – it’s a bit of a passive-aggressive pattern between my mother and I and if they were here for more then the 65 hours that they were here – we would have to do even more serious dinking then I’m already in need of…

Here is an example of a conversation we had on Thursday night (mind you they’d been in town a total of maybe 4 hours at this point):

Mom: so you need to put the leftovers in the refrigerator you know

Me: I will

Mom: so lets go clean up the kitchen and put those away

Me: I’ll do it later

Mom: well but won’t you feel better if you do it now, plus that needs to be refrigerated…

Me: I will do it later

Mom: Let’s go do it now. I’ll help

Me: Mom – I don’t think the enchiladas sitting on the counter for another hour will hurt. It’s not like its 90 degrees in here or there are bugs crawling around my kitchen

Mom: well, but there are all the dishes to that need to be washed

Me: Yes, and we have a dishwasher, and maybe tomorrow I’ll load them in and wash them. Dishes often sit in my kitchen for more then a day and the world doesn’t fall apart…

(We didn’t put the enchiladas away then, but about an hour later we did have to load the dishwasher – and I had to start it running to stop her from making me do the hand wash dishes right then and there)

End of the first full day - Friday night:

Mom: you know it’s time for the news.

Me: (rolling eyes) we don’t watch the news

Mom: well some of us just like to know what’s going on in the world

Me: you know you can read the news and then you don’t have to watch the same sound bites over and over again.

Mom: but then it’s at least a day old…

Dad: and besides - you don’t even get the daily paper.

Me: it’s called the Internet – and then it can be minutes old

Mom: but here we can see what’s important in the world

Me: Sure, important to the programmer trying to get ratings…I bet there will be nothing on this broadcast that I didn’t already read online today…and with more information

Mom: all media is biased, you’re not getting anymore of a correct story by reading it online, so why not just watch it here

Me: I’m not saying it isn’t biased, but because I can link from one source to another to get different perspectives on the same information I know more about the topic then what’s covered in the 30 seconds they devote to it here…

(We did watch the NBC Nightly News, but I refused to watch the local news, and that disturbed them as well, even though they don’t live here and have no idea what it would be about)

Or in a store on trendy-third Saturday afternoon as Noland and I were looking at a dining table and chairs that we liked:

Me: This is the type of table we want – its big and sturdy and solid

Mom: but just one for a lot less then that

Me: well, no not really, most that are like this are in this price range, we just need to wait a few more months to save up for it

Mom: I’m sure there are ones that are less

Me: well I’m sure a little, but this is about what it will cost

Mom: plus you can’t get that – it’s wood and you’ll set your drinks on it and ruin in

Me: yes, because we’re twelve we don’t know how to take care of things

Mom: well people will come over and they won’t use coasters and you’ll get marks on it

Me: it’s a table; you’re supposed to use it

Noland: plus I kinda like that distressed/used sort of look

Mom: well people don’t mean to, but they just don’t think and they’ll ruin and then you won’t have a nice table anymore

Me: well then yes, by all means we won’t be able to get that…

And so it goes…every conversation turns into a bit of a power play…her trying to still be the mother in charge and me fighting back like I was still 16…

I love ‘em – but man am I glad I don’t live anywhere near ‘em.

November Freaking 4th

and the radio station that plays in the bathroom at my office is already playing all holiday music all the time. It's not even freakin' Thanksgiving yet! I may need to take matters into my own hands.

Happy Halloween!

I think because I’ve been sick or fighting a cold for going on two weeks now, I’m sleeping more then ever, but really the really sound sleep of the drugged so that I don’t remember my dreams. Total bummer.

When our friend Ron in Seattle sends us the pics he took this weekend, we’ll get some posted up there – but nonetheless, it was a good Halloween weekend. My costume may not have been as fancy as some, but I put it together myself, I didn’t buy it or rent it, so it was much cooler then those, although it might not have been as good as the guy who dressed up like this guy.

Just wrong. But really funny.

And Friday night doing the annual pumpkin carving festivity at Steve & Cesar’s was great. As usual everyone’s creative spirit shone brightly – my pumpkin was a bit cannibalistic. And we got our annual chance to watch Steve (of Steve & Jackie not Steve & Cesar) get loaded, which is always amusing. But Jackie was there to keep him from trying to drive off with the candle still lit in his pumpkin in the backseat.



I love Halloween.

Bow-heads past their prime

When I was in high school and looking at colleges I had just a few requirements to start the narrowing down process.

• minimum of 3 hours from where my parents lived
• no all girls schools
• no schools with any sort of social restrictions (curfews, limited male/female access, etc.)
• oh yeah, and a decent journalism school

Then as I narrowed down and started visiting some schools I added another qualification.

• No Texas schools

Now I don't have the hatred for Texas that my Noland does, but after visiting TCU and Trinity - both of which were pretty high on my list until I set foot in the state, I realized that Texans - and Texas women in particular - were nuts.

I'm dropping in on classes with my tour guide, 8 am classes mind you, and there are these girls there - not just one or two - but EVERY FREAKIN' ONE in obviously well prepped outfits, a couple inches of makeup, pearls and the biggest hair I'd ever seen. Admittedly this was the 80's and my hair was pretty big too, but this hair was HUGE and the bows....the all had bows, Perfectly matching their sweater and socks. EVERY FREAKIN' ONE.

So that brings me to today - have ya seen George's newest nominee? This is what happens when Texas bow heads get old. You can only put on inches of makeup every day for so many years before it stops coming off and becomes part of you....

like celebrity guest week on Love Boat

John Travolta just hangin' out at our house. Dressed in the Pulp Fiction suit, but without the Grease hair - rather disturbing combination actually. Lounged back on the couch* wathing TV, he was awfuly full of unwanted advice however.

President Clinton helping out in the kitchen. Kind of nice actually, it was like on theose cooking shows when all the ingrediants were laid out in pre-measured glass bowls and Bill, Noland and I all had on matching aprons. And I don't recall any dishes when we were done!

Bob Marley opening up at Porky's - it was surpise appearance and no one was there - and no one believed us...I think the dead thing probalby had something to do with that part.

I can't wait to see who's next...

*sidebar: Our big purple couch arrives this weekend - whoo hoo - everyone is invited over to check it out!

Raise a pint - never too old...

Anita who used to be my “going to shows friend” back in KS where we'd smoke those weird super thin cigarettes, drink 3 pitchers of beer (she drank most of the 1st, we split the second and I finished up the third while she was passing out), and pick up on the "alternative boys" sent me a link to this website that has info on her, her husband and friends doing crazy things such as running marathons, competing in triathlons, doing long-distance mountain biking – all kinds of nutso stuff….

Talking with my mother over the weekend and her asking what we were up to this week, telling her about a multitude of shows coming up, karaoke last weekend and general going out with friends, she makes a comment that we never stay home, and I just tell her that my life just isn’t as boring as hers was at my age – I remember her at my age – she had three kids ages 4, 6 and 9….

Someone at work says that they’re going to the Ash Street tonight, I say “hey – so am I” but they’re not going to see the Woggles – they’re going after work and will be well under the covers by the time the show starts. Another guy mentions that he used to be into the local music scene and go to shows all the time – but could never do it now….

Noland and I have talked about the fact that we don’t even know what we would do if we were ever “too old” to go to shows. That thought just isn’t even possible. It would make us way to sad. Sure, there are some shows that we seem to be among the oldest in the crowd – but there are others where we most definitely aren’t even close. And hey – most of the bands that we’re going to see are as old or older then we are and they’re still rockin’ away on stage – the least we can do is the same!

btw...

at least three more episodes of CSI with children kiling.....

I think I'm gonna keep a running tally...

Why I love Portland

So one of my best friends forwarded me an email that she received, the note enclosed to me was kind of a “can you believe this?” message and a story about her making a joke about not being as straight as you’d think to the sales clerk selling her jeans at the GAP who didn’t find nearly as funny as she did… and how that’s her life in Midwest suburbia.

The email was one of those floating around the internet letters that someone (from Arkansas, surprise surprise) wrote to ABC in regards to their promoting the “homosexual agenda” because of an episode of The Practice that addressed the gay marriage debate and they felt that the show made the conservative person look bad for disagreeing. There was all the usual sputtering that they were going to make sure everyone knew how ABC was so evil and blah blah blah……

So she sends me this message, then follows it up with a second email saying “Please don’t forward that, it’s a small world and I still have to live in my neighborhood.” So we messaged back a forth bit, and that she has to deal with this sort of thing a lot, that people just assume because she’s a suburban mom in a very conservative state that she agrees with that sort of bullshit. She said that she even had a 5 year-old child tell her that their mom didn’t approve of her belly ring. Which of course my friend had the wonderful response, “well that’s ok, she doesn’t have to get one.”

I get a little bummed sometimes because while I have the best circle of friends here in Portland, my best friends live all across the country, and sometimes I miss those heart to heart girl talks, or singing along with the Indigo Girls in the car (Noland’s really not into that, although he will occasionally humor me.) But while I don’t have any of those close friends here, at least everyone in my circle of friends here holds the same basic set of principles and beliefs that I do. I can’t imagine anyone that I know sending something like that and thinking that I’d want to read it. We don’t of course agree on everything, and there are probably some people in that circle that think things that I would find surprising, and vice versa – but I do know that no one I call a friend would think that this sort of bigotry was something that I, or anyone I know, supports and especially promotes.

So my friends, both far and near, know that even if I don’t always say it or act like it…I do appreciate you being part of my world!

global tragedy and personal pettiness

I have no connection to the tragedy in the Gulf, I don’t know anyone who lives there, has lived there, was there, was directly affected – nothing – so I feel a bit like a local TV news station who has finally figured out a way to connect myself to the disaster no matter how thin the line.

And I’m not normally the type who gets all worked up over these things, I’m concerned of course, but I’m not one who cries over stories on TV or in the news about disasters, plane crashes, missing children, murdered wives or an of that other stuff. But for some reason this has really hit me, to the point that I was pretty unsuccessfully fighting back tears last weekend watching a slide show of images and trying to sing.

So my local news connection is that my younger brother is a forensic chemist for the KBI (that’s the Kansas Bureau of Investigation for us commoners), so basically he’s a CSI – just like on the TV show except for all the glamorous people, action packed hunting down of criminals, questioning of suspects and wrapping it all up in a matter of days. Pretty much it means he’s a geek in a lab coat who may on occasion be sent to a crime scene to collect some DNA or testify that “yes sir, that is 99.8% likely to be him,” but mostly he hangs out in a lab with blood and semen and grows pot in his office so he can track the various strains back to the right bad guys.

Well James was called down to Louisiana to help with the identification of bodies recovered from the city. He would go down and collect DNA samples from the bodies and help try to identify those that were unknown through the various scientific ways available.

My mother told me this, I barely had a moment to think that was pretty cool that he was going to be able to go down and help people, if not with something happy, at least something that might give people some closure. But she follows the sentences of “he was asked to….” with “but thank goodness he’s not going.” What she said was that he decided that it would be too tough leaving my sister-in-law and the kids at home alone for the two weeks they asked him to help out.

My brother and I are not extremely close, so I don’t know all the details of why that would be too hard, and it may have been a legitimate conclusion, but what disturbed me more was that my mother didn’t seem to hesitate in saying it was good he didn’t go. Her reasons why? It would be so hot. It would be so dirty and such tiring work. Yes, because we wouldn’t want to inconvenience ourselves just slightly for 14 days to help out people whose lives have been destroyed for who knows how long.

I then of course, had to pick a fight with my mother about politics, the weather, the best way to make toast…it’s how we work about 75% of the time, so instead of arguing with me she just keeps saying “ok” to everything that I say in that ever so condescending voice that only a mother can have. This of course just angers me even more so I make the next attack personal. I tell her that I’m sorry for trying to have an intelligent discussion, but that my friends and I don’t just discuss who was wearing what to church last week and the latest celebrity gossip but that we actually like to discuss what’s going on in the world around us.

Needless to say when she told me that they’re coming to visit in a few months… and that they’ll be staying at my house…